I just didn't feel right this morning. I woke up at 5:45 and just couldn't go back to sleep. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking "what if this will be the last day that I'll be carrying this baby?" I just laid in bed, prayed and finally stepped out of bed at 7:20. Went to the washroom and realized there was a clot as big as my palm at the bottom of the toilet. I didn't know what it was. My husband was with me at that time and I just hugged him and cried. Sadness overcame me.
My doctor couldn't even give me a clear answer if I miscarried or not that morning. I have to wait another 2 weeks for an ultrasound. I think I need a second opinion...but don't know who to go to.
As I reflect on the events that happened this morning, Babbie Mason's "Trust His Heart" comes to mind. Let me share the lyrics with you.
TRUST HIS HEART
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember your never alone
Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him
I know God has better plans for me. I just need some closure and clarity with my situation right now.
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