Light at the end of the tunnel

It was as if I've finally gotten out of a very long dark tunnel. Saturday afternoon, after my hour-long nap, I felt as if I had renewed energy, renewed hope. I was ready to do my "normal" again, I was ready to do household chores, I was ready to take my daughter out to the park again. I was ready to start anew!

The weather was perfect for a picnic at the park. I didn't pack anything for dinner, my husband and I had roast lamb from our fave Greek restaurant in Steveston while my daughter had Vietnamese food. We finished off dinner with some ice cream...mmm...

In the last couple of weeks that I've been staying at home full time, I've come to love my daughter more and more. She brings so much joy and happiness to our family even though she's sometimes a handful. I have been blessed beyond what I'm supposed to have. I have a loving husband who takes care of me very well and makes sure that I have breakfast ready before I wake up (at least in the last two weeks). My mom, my dad, and my sister have been a huge help to my family in every way I can think of.

God has given me this time to slow down and re-think my priorities. I've been procrastinating for the longest time about starting a blog, and here I am, writing here every few days. God has given me more time to read more of His word and share my insights to you. God has given me this opportunity to write so that I can give Him back all the glory.

Tsokolate for the weak soul

It's true, chocolate has been proven to improve your mood. In an article I read in Reader's Digest, it said that dark chocolate stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that bring on feelings of pleasure. It also contains the chemical serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant.

The past few days had been one of the worst in my life. All I needed was a mood-booster and what better way than to make my own native hot tsokolate. Thick, frothy with a bittersweet taste of dark chocolate, Tsokolate or Filipino Hot Chocolate is one of my favourite treats during Christmas holidays and any day, actually. Paired with pan-de-sal (butter pan rolls) or ensaymada (brioche), it always give me a feeling of warmth and nostalgia (my grandma made this for me when I was growing up in Cebu). 

I used 20 mini discs of Argao's 100% pure tableya, 5 cups of boiling water and a lot of whisking/stirring to make a big pot of Tsokolate.You may add sugar and milk according to taste. For me, I usually add 1-2 tablespoons of maple syrup for 1 cup of tsokolate.

 

While sipping my cup of tsokolate this morning, I also reflected on God's Word to me. I came across 2 Corinthians 12:9 New International Version (NIV)

⁹ But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Once again, I'm reminded that all these are happening so that I will not forget that there is a God who is in charge of my life and I have to entrust everything to Him. I cannot and should not rely on my own strength.

God is too wise to be mistaken

I just didn't feel right this morning. I woke up at 5:45 and just couldn't go back to sleep. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking "what if this will be the last day that I'll be carrying this baby?" I just laid in bed, prayed and finally stepped out of bed at 7:20. Went to the washroom and realized there was a clot as big as my palm at the bottom of the toilet. I didn't know what it was. My husband was with me at that time and I just hugged him and cried. Sadness overcame me. 

My doctor couldn't even give me a clear answer if I miscarried or not that morning. I have to wait another 2 weeks for an ultrasound. I think I need a second opinion...but don't know who to go to.

As I reflect on the events that happened this morning, Babbie Mason's "Trust His Heart" comes to mind. Let me share the lyrics with you. 

TRUST HIS HEART

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember your never alone

Chorus:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him

I know God has better plans for me. I just need some closure and clarity with my situation right now.
 

When things don't go as planned

My horror of all horrors occured last Friday, July 4, as I was getting ready for work. I used the washroom right before I was leaving and found that I was bleeding! I immediately called my mom who was at home to take care of R that day. I was in shock, didn't know what to think and how to react then my mom immediately started praying for God's protection over me and the baby.

The first thing I could think of was I cannot lose this baby! I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. Thank God my mom was there to assure me that we have to submit to whatever God's will is for this baby. She kept reminding me that there is a purpose for this and we have to keep our faith and not worry about things that we do not have control about. I kept saying that I shouldn't have did any weight training that morning and blamed myself for what happened. My mom assured me that things like these just happen and that nobody was going to blame me for this.

I got a doctor's appointment that afternoon and was sent for an ultrasound on Monday. Unfortunately we couldn't get any appointment that day. By this time, I have already submitted everything to the Lord and not even a tad worried about the spotting. I continued to spot during the day, especially after a meal or when I went "no.2".

On Saturday, July 5, my husband (M) tried calling the Chinatown Radiology to see if they could squeeze me in for an emergency appointment today. We were so happy to know that I could be accommodated at 11:15! During the whole time the radiologist was looking at the monitor, I kept telling myself to be ready for the worst (i.e. I couldn't hear any heart beat or You've lost your baby). After what seemed like an eternity (I guess it was only 5 minutes), the radiologist told me that the pregnancy was in very early stages that she could only see the sac. According to her, I was only 6 weeks pregnant! All the while, I thought I was already 9.5 weeks along. I'd have to call my doctor again this Monday and find out what is going on.

Last night, as I was having my daily devotions, I came across several verses that has spoken to me so clearly that God is in control of everything.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burded, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heard and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

What I'm reading now

While on a weekly library trip with my daughter, R, I've borrowed a few books from the library. One of them was "The 30-Minute Pregnancy Workout Book" by Anna Aberg.

I've just started reading it while R was napping but haven't really gotten around followwing the routines. I find them doable especially to those who have been already active even before getting pregnant. Before I learned that I was pregnant, I was training to run a 10K faster and have still been running 4 times a week up to now. I'm just looking to add another light-weight training program to add to my routine.

Another book I borrowed was "Your Vegetarian Pregnancy" by  Dr. Holly Roberts. Since giving birth to Rachel, my lunch is usually a salad or a vegetarian meal. It's a challenge for me to have a vegetarian dinner since my husband is a meat-loving person..hahaha...so I try to cook a veggie dish and a poultry or fish dish for dinner. Hopefully this book will help me convince my family that a vegetarian diet is just as nutritionally sound as one that includes animal-protein.

I'm the type of person who reads several books all together and read a part of this and that during the day. "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize is one of the books that I've also been reading even before conception of my second baby. This is such an insightful book about putting faith principles in having my own "perfect/supernatul" pregnancy and pain-free labour/childbirth. In the last two years that my husband and I have been trying to conceive, this book has helped me to believe that God has his own perfect timing for me to be pregnant again and have a beautiful baby.

A pleasant surprise

The news of having a positive home pregnancy test for the second time came as a surprise for M and I. I was shaking from sheer joy that this was happening again! We've been so busy in May preparing for our overseas trip and it just never crossed my mind that I've already missed my period last month.

The weekend after we came back from our 3-week Asian vacation was when I decided to test and found out we were expecting! On my first doctor's visit last Tuesday, June 10, she told me I was already 6.5 weeks along! What a blessing! EDD for baby no.2 is February 1, 2015.

I thank God for this wonderful opportunity to be pregnant again and have another baby! We just pray for a healthy and normal pregnancy.